Two years earlier she wrote this to Archbishop Perier of Calcutta:
"There is so much contradiction in my soul.—Such deep longing for God—so deep that it is painful—a suffering continual—and yet not wanted by God—repulsed—empty—no faith—no love—no zeal. Souls hold no attraction—Heaven means nothing—to me it looks like an empty place—the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God. Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His—so He has every right over me. I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God..."
Sometimes it is good to know that you are not alone in your struggles. In our darkness we tend to forget that many saints who have gone before us shared similar experiences. Can you imagine the feelings of failure Peter must have had after his denial of Jesus? How about when you read Paul's heartfelt struggles in Romans 7, as he seems almost tormented by his battle with the flesh? And to hear the despair in the heart of a modern day saint like mother Teresa.
This should remind us that even in our darkest moments, we are not alone. There are many great men and women of faith who have shared similar struggles. In fact, there are probably people around us right now who have been there and can relate to our pain. You will never know unless you are willing to be vulnerable with those God has put in your life.
And we should never forget that He knows and loves us in spite of our failures, struggles and unbelief.
He is always there.
We must take off our masks and let others in. That is when the healing begins.